Eclectic & imperfect awesomeness

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Unfolding Wings

“Jump, and you will find out how to unfold your wings as you fall.” Ray Bradbury

We had a beautiful day celebrating a friend of the kids’ birthday yesterday. I left ready for more mountain time. I see a camp trip coming soon.

Days Like Yesterday

I felt a much needed shift. Even if it was just a moment to catch our breath, I’m grateful.

Give Me Truth

“I’m going to paraphrase Thoreau here… rather than love, than money, than faith, than fame, than fairness… give me truth” Christopher McCandless

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I watched “Into the Wild” with two of my youngins last night. It was split into two nights. I never read the book, but was moved by the movie when it came out years ago. I busted into tears many times the past two nights. I can’t fully explain it, but it felt like being seen, or a reminder of not being alone in my way of seeing/feeling things. The timing couldn’t have been more perfect either. Shew. I added two of the same-ish photos. I preferred the first, but I liked that you saw my emotion better with the eye in it. Also, the scar above my eye from days I can’t believe I came out alive.

Open

“When both sides of a controversy revel in the defeat and humiliation of the other side, in fact they are on the same side: the side of war.” Charles Eisenstein, The More Beautiful World Our Hearts Know Is Possible

I’ve become more comfortable with people misunderstanding me. Even friends that claim enlightenment have taken my words completely out of context based on their personal insecurities or biases. I know I’ve done the same thing at times, but this takes me back to my first line because I understand I’m not fully immune to that either. I’m up for discussions, though. It’s just hard to find people aware of their biases (usually perspective based). As long as you can be aware, you can take that deep breath & listen with an open heart. This doesn’t apply to all situations, but with friends or people who aren’t a physical danger to you. I’m not all Pollyanna (although that’s beautiful), but all the shaming, censorship, forcing opinions as facts, etc., does not create positive change. It creates more of what you are fighting against. This does NOT include protesting or speaking up when things are messed up. This can definitely create change. This post is somewhat vague, but it applies to so much (not everything). We all have more power than we realize. Division is the best tool against us.

\\\ I drafted this a long time ago. I don’t know why I never did post it. ///

Momma Bear Love

// I started this post in the beginning of December. //

When I took these, I was driving some compost our hens made, up to the Hugelkultur garden in the pasture. I noticed how beautiful the sun shining through the brown grasses by the fence was. My taking photos with of that grass turned into selfies. Fully raw. In that moment, I realized I was on a new timeline in life. It’s one we’ve discussed and one we’ve been working on, but I just realized, “we’re in it”. It feels like the beginning of a new life. It is.

While I’m in a place of this acceptance, I’m also in a place of some intense momma bear love. That is definitely the best way to describe it. Anger has been given a bad reputation, just like the ego. I spent some time trying to “love & light” it all out of me, but I’m now trying to find that balance where they coexist in a way that they can work together. For me, it’s more about intention & balance.

When you look in nature, animals don’t typically roll over for abuse (yes, some literally play dead), but we don’t feel the need to enlighten them about their egos. I’m not dissing those that discuss the toxicity of the ego. I agree about the majority of it, but I know God, divine source, Gaia, etc. made no mistakes. The ego included.

So balance…Balancing my love & my fierceness is part of my homework. That & the work on this new timeline.

Slowly Gaining Momentum

We grabbed some cow panels this weekend to make a temporary greenhouse. We will use it until the last frost passes, then it’ll be used as a trellis for the things we grow in the straw bales. 🌿

Chicken manure & compost to warm it up.

That’s my “I can’t fake a smile cuz things have been weirdo, but I’m glad to finally get some things moving” face.

Power of Unity

If you alone found out what the lie was, then you’re probably right—it would make no great difference. But if you ALL found out what the lie was, it might conceivably make a very great difference indeed.” Daniel Quinn, Ishmael: An Adventure of the Mind and Spirit (Ishmael, #1)

My daughter took this bright ‘n early.

New Beginnings

“Asking ourselves, ‘Where am I right now?’ gives us a chance to step outside the internal dialogue for a moment of peace. Look around you, take a deep breath and notice what you see, hear and feel. Present moment awareness is the point of power and choice. It frees us from our compulsive thoughts.” – Laura Harvey

We may not be promised the future, and there is only now, but every second is a chance to change our direction.

We used to do a burning bowl ceremony on NYE, then burned our tree on New Year’s Day. That evolved to us combining the two at home. We burn away the things we want to let go of, while setting intentions from the now on.

Growth Happens

Dites-moi
Pourquoi
La vie est belle,
Dies-moi
Pourquoi
La vie est gai,
Dites-moi
Pourquoi,
Chere Mad’moiselle,
Est-ce que
Parce que
Vous m’aimez?

Dites-moi
Pourquoi,
Chere Mad’moiselle,
Est-ce que
Parce que
Vous m’aimez?

That is a song from the musical South Pacific. I remember my mom watching it in the 80’s. She’d sing it, while my younger brother & I would join in, while tucking us in bed.

I’m sharing that because it’s one of those bittersweet stories. I was a young girl when our mother passed away with cancer. We went from lullabies to nadda like a rug being ripped out from under us. I won’t go into it all, but these tragically hard times in life, these fierce graces, can wake up parts of your soul. They can remind you how shallow the material world really is.

This beautiful child has had a huge part in those challenging lessons. Lessons that felt like the rug being ripped from under us, too. He woke me in ways I’m beyond grateful for, though. He reminded me of my thirst for knowledge; also the importance of informed consent. He woke me from the illusion that I’m incapable of learning complicated things or that it matters what other people’s opinions are. This all led me to learn how to use my intuition to lead the way. All of my children have taught me to trust my intuition. All of my life has!

Anyway, I won’t pretend to be excited about the times that challenge me to the core, or the shadow work involved, but I am absolutely grateful for the growth.

Tully had her friend over

Home

If someone asks, this is where I’ll be.

Evolution isn’t comfortable during a growth spurt. Our family will practice being fluid with the waves.

I laid in the woods having chill conversations with my husband during the golden hour this evening. Everything was in slow motion. Our daughter was making creations from ferns leaves, sticks, and usnea. Then she’d break it up with swings from a vine.

So yes, this is where I’ll be.